Boys watch porn. Every single straight, gay, bi, trans, questioning, etc. guy watches, likes and masturbates to porn. He doesn't do this because you're not enough, because he wants those girls more than you or because he's a sexual deviant... he does this because he is human, emphasis on "man," meaning, unlike women, he doesn't need any emotional or intellectual connection to achieve a self-induced orgasm, all he needs is a random, inconsequential, visual stimulant. He doesn't even need a fantasy, he's isn't necessarily even picturing himself in the scenario, he is often simply moved to a physical reaction at the suggestion or sight of it all. He strokes, he goes, it's no big deal.
Any woman who attempts to ban porn from a man's life is an evil sadist, forcing his sexuality into a place of guilt and secrecy. Porn may not be a socially-responsible, morally-valid or appealing outlet for you, but for him it is a means to an end without further thought. One woman's semester spent on gender objectification studies, is just the relief of another man's fleeting morning wood.
The way I see it, the more women openly object to and obsess over this topic, the more fascinating and enticing it becomes to men. Boys watch porn, because it's there. Sex for hire, is known as the world's oldest profession and the industry has done nothing but expand with the progression of technology; from silent film reels and magazines to VHS, DVDS and the internet, it is unavoidably evident: sex always sells.
Ergo: Boys watch porn and resistance is futile.
For the female demanding answers on how to confront this issue, I believe that there are three options:
1) Ignore it. Allow porn to be an omitted, but accepted part of his life. Don't bring it up in arguments, don't hold it against him, don't denounce it and don't reprimand him for it. If you really can't stand it, rather than try to control and inhibit him, be honest with him from the start and let him know that it is a part of his life that you would rather not address. Instead, choose to discuss the subject from the angle that each of you has your own sexual history and sense of sensuality which are both separate and different, which allows you to each keep one another hot, happy and guessing. Under this rule, his private appreciation for pornography will not be thrown in your face, so long as you don't make it an issue; if you don't allow it to threaten you, it won't be a threat. Don't discuss it, don't compare yourself to it and don't condemn him for it.
2) Be completely open-minded. Though, unfortunately this second option affords you nearly no statute of limitations what-so-ever. Thus this is clearly, the harder of the two roads, because once you declare yourself the cool, open-minded chick, it's pretty much wrong and unfair to turn back and suddenly set limits on the quality and quantity of content that comes across his various screens. You chose this path because you're no idiot, you know that boys watch porn and that nothing is going to change that. You know that trying to stop him will ultimately stunt the growth, trust and intimacy of your relationship, so you tell him straight up from the get-go that you understand and accept it. Being the supportive lady you are, you not only allow, but encourage him to talk about it openly in front of you, suggest moves, positions and scenarios that directly reference things he has seen on film, which you will then whole-heartedly jump into it, because that is what you said you would do and you refuse to be some kind of self-conscious indian-giver who offers acceptance at the onslaught of the relationship then takes it back when things get a little weird.
3) Live and let live. Boys will watch porn whether you like it or not, so why take a stand either way at all!? Fighting it will only lead to disappointment and openly accepting it can make you feel like a doormat. If it comes up in conversation, just nod a lot and let him talk about it; if it doesn't, don't bring it up. When you have a headache, have to wash your hair, and/or have your period, porn will get him through such aforementioned sexual sabbaticals. All you can really do is be true to yourself, follow your heart, chase the things that turn you on and say to hell with what doesn't. If it makes you happy it can't be that bad...and if it does make you feel bad then don't do it.
Every male you've ever met, known and loved has watched porn; that is the truth and there is no getting around it. But, the more you assert yourself, be yourself, and allow yourself to have fun and give into the good in a relationship, the less this unavoidable fact will haunt or hurt you. I don't begrudge a man his porn stash, because I don't see it as a threat and frankly I value my "me-time" so if there is something to occupy and distract him every once in a while, then I say "have at it boys!"
No comments:
Post a Comment