Defying Dove

Dear Dove Promises dark chocolate wrapper,

It's 3pm on the Friday before Halloween and I'm already 0-for-10 on sticking to my guns this week, so frankly now is not the time to surprise me with the judgy little note hiding behind the delicious empty calories I came here for.

"Keep the promises you make to yourself. Love, Dove"

I don't understand where this passive aggressive hostility is coming from, but I don't like it and I'm not going to take it lying down! You're like the fortune cookie's bitchy older sister, with better hair and a hotter ass, but I refuse to let you make us feel inferior.

You see, little miss holier than thou, not all of us have what it takes to keep all of the promises we make to ourselves. Whether those promises include resisting contact with That Guy (FAIL), not eating candy all week to prepare-to-bare in slutty-god-knows-what costume this weekend (Obvious FAIL)or to not drink one's self to sleep on a Thursday night (ugh, FAIL again), sometimes you just give in because instant, though temporary, gratification is just what you want at that moment.

I know what you're thinking; you didn't mean anything by it, you were just trying to help, you didn't realize I was so sensitive. Well I don't believe you and I don't need any more of your backhanded complements and I'm not going to let you get under my skin again this time. I'm just going to walk away and go hang out with my real friends...

Oh hey girl, how you doing diet Snapple? What is that you say, you have zero calories, taste delicious and you have a fun fact to share!? Oh, an alligator can go through 3,000 teeth in a lifetime? See, now that's something a girl can use, that's really interesting, in fact I'll be doing lots of mingling this weekend and that is awesome cocktail party fodder!

So you see, dear Dove Promises dark chocolate wrapper, sometimes I just want to enjoy my guilty pleasures and I don't need you trying to validate or encourage it. Because that's the thing about guilty pleasures, they're not good for me, no matter how you try and sugarcoat it.

Thanks,
jacklynjean