The second season of the sweet "Top Chef" spin-off "Top Chef: Just Desserts" ends tonight and I couldn't be more inclined to drown my sorrows in a chocolate fountain. Not because the show is so amazing and captivating, though it is actually pretty good, but because tonight ends my weekly rendezvous with the rockabilly pastry king, Johnny Iuzzini.
Going through "Top Chef" withdrawals last year, I was delighted to get a a quick confectionary hit from the new competitive series. Plus, this incarnation of the TC franchise had a lot going for it; the lovable and adorable Gayle Simmons was pegged to host, around 90% of the creations had the odds of being vegetarian friendly and it would be interesting to see new chefs triumphantly conquering the achilles heel of the savory-minded chefs from the original.
So the show began, we met the contestants, including one who is apparently not only a douche, but a pedophile (looking at you Morgan, ew!) and it all seemed well-suited for an exciting season. But then, he walked into the kitchen. With Johnny Bravo-meets Elvis hair, colors of swirling tattoos peeping out from his blue-button-up work shirt, slim dark denim jeans rolled up to meet not-too-shiny black boots, Johnny Iuzzini stole my heart.
He is pretty, but tough. He is a pastry-specialist, but he gives you the sense that there was a hedge back home in the suburbs, over which he never could see. Just his name, Johnny, screams punk rock. He is the most dangerous man to ever wear oven mitts. Johnny Iuzzini is dreamy on another level, and for that reason I am team "Just Desserts" over "Top Chef" to the core.
Plagued with a migraine headache today, I awoke around 2pm delighted to find a "Just Desserts" marathon in full swing. My apartment darkened except for the glow of the TV and the volume down to barely-audible, I lie here now lamenting the swiftly-approaching loss of TV's sweetest treat, my Johnny. Seeing this season's scenes play before me, I call out at the screen "sip that red wine Johnny! Give them those sexy side-eyes! Break their balls my love, for they will never be as good as you!"
While I know the latest season of "Top Chef" will debut soon from deep in the heart of Texas, I can't help but resent it for taking away Johnny and breaking my heart. Johnny's exit from my weekly schedule will now force me to go back out into the real world, to look for real love on Wednesday nights and it's just not fair.
Oh Johnny, you will be missed. Your sarcasm is perfection. Your smirk ruins my delicates. Your style slays me and your dark eyes pierce me to the core. And, because "Top Chef: Just Desserts" is on its way out, just know that I will be relentlessly lurking you on the internet until season three begins and we are together again.
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